Unless your mountain happens to be a set of stairs and you are all of a sudden given the green light for a stair lift. Whoosh!
Well ok, not whoosh. The rep showed me the seatbelt that is 'advisable' on 'helfnsafety' grounds. I laughed my head off and asked him what speed it does. "About one and a half mph," he said, with a perfectly serious countenance, which made me crease even more.
My brain has entered new realms of deep sea fog so I've not been keeping people up-to-date with developments this end. But now social services are all of a sudden (that's in terms of weeks sort of sudden, not months) giving me a stairlift and I feel compelled to share the news.
What astonished me is when they measured the incline of my stairs. I made some quip about staggering up at 45 degrees, and the guys measuring up shot back "No, actually they are 50 degrees."
Bloody hell. No wonder I'm so knackered. Apparently stairs just don't get built that steep these days. Forty degrees is about your limit. Gosh, it's amazing how an hour in the company of a stairlift rep and social services bod can teach you so much about stairs.
I knew they were a problem. And yes, it has been suggested that I move house. But I moved house a year ago, when I separated from my ex. When I looked round this place my mind was on a million things at once and the stairs...well I know it sounds stupid but I just didn't notice. I was thinking about how close the place is to school, the shop, the surgery, my son's friends. Now there have been many adaptations, like dropped kerbs, grab rails, and soon a talking toilet. That's what I've called it anyway. I can't remember what it does, but it seems to do everything but talk back to your arse, so the talking toilet it is.
A year on and thank goodness help is on the way. One of the main problems I have is memory lapses causing far more trips up and down the stairs than should be necessary. Forgot the phone. Bugger. Forgot my cup of tea. Bugger. Forgot to lock up. Bugger. Left lights on downstairs...you get the picture.
Soon I get to sit and glide, serenely I hope. And it has a key so I can lock it and stop it becoming an in-house fairground ride for my son and all his mates. But then at 1mph, it's hardly going to be a rollercoaster ride.
Bath running. Bugger.