Today I had a toilet installed by social services. Readers of a sensitive disposition are assured that no major detail will be gone into, though mild toilet humour may be evident.
It has been christened Bob The Talking Toilet. As I think I explained previously, this is a toilet that does everything but talk. It is both toilet, bidet and warm air blower all-in-one. It has elbow activated controls on the cistern so you don't have a flush to grapple with. And a foot pump to activate the bidet.
This is what sprung to mind on experiencing the bidet for the first time:
It is wise to ensure that you are seated fully on the toilet with no gaps, otherwise the whole bathroom gets sprayed with water.
The dryer is also a little alarming. An electric element somewhere deep inside the toilet heats air with such rapidity that a strange burning smell is produced. Naturally, on first use I assumed this burning to be my bottom. But then I realised the smell was distinctly electrical.
So, somehow the inventors of this really quite amusing machine have managed to work with water and electrics. Whether I will live beyond a week remains to be seen. I think an eject button may be handy just in case the whole thing bursts into flames. Shame you can't just notch up the bidet a tad. That would be enough to both propel me into space and extinguish a bathroom inferno in one. Just be thankful I am not male ;-)