Why, why has my son requested for Christmas the only colour of Converse footwear that is out of stock everywhere in the entire country? Along with the other 20 items on his long letter to Santa. Yes, he's still a believer, but old enough to know his trainers.
Why are green Converse so totally out of stock? Is it because of Mika? No, I just checked out Grace Kelly and he's wearing white trainers in that video, like Mark Ronson.
See what I did there? Two musical references :-) I am listening to more music. Quietly.
Why am I driving myself nuts trying to find some green Converse trainers anyway? I promised myself when my son was tiny that never, ever, ever would I be drawn into the trainer snobbery that unfortunately pervades our playgrounds.
Bloody school! Bring back school uniform! Now I want some Converse trainers too. But I refuse to give in.
He also requested a gnome, you may recall. Work is underway at my pottery class. So far, there is a startling resemblance to Noddy Holder. With whom I once danced at a party. For those of you who don't know Noddy, he fronted Seventies glamrock outfit Slade. He is from the Midlands and wrote "So heeeere it iiiis, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun." A heartwarming Christmas ditty. Now I have to somehow fashion flares and a hugely ridiculous hat for my gnome. He already sports impressive sidies. And yes, my son will be receiving other things for Christmas. Just perhaps not green Converse trainers.