Wednesday, 2 January 2008


I wrote something about not twisting my melon the other day. So imagine my surprise when I happened upon two melons languishing in my vegetable rack this morning. Yes, yes, I know they are strictly fruit but have you ever seen a fruit rack? Actually, come to think of it, why are there no fruit racks in the world? Who says that only vegetables deserve the status of a rack (complete with wheels thus facilitating their convenient transportation around the kitchen) whereas fruit is destined only to go mouldy in a mere bowl due to lack of adequate air circulation?

So there were these two melons in my vegetable rack and I swear that for a while I had no idea how they had got there. I stood in the kitchen really quite perplexed as they stared back at me defiantly, glaring in yellow indignation at their apparent neglect. And then I remembered. When my new and excellently efficient PA popped to the shops last week for me I asked for said melons. Well one, actually but they were on offer, so I got a pair. Then I forgot about them, probably in part because I am still taking preposterously large antibiotics for my wisdom tooth infection.

I am as yet unversed in PA etiquette. As I stood staring at the melons in the kitchen, slowly making the PA link in my mind, I started to panic. I remembered suddenly it was Thursday again and she was therefore going to arrive very soon.

"Melons. How? PA! Melons! Thursday! PA!"

Is kind of how it went.

I am ashamed to confess I hid the melons in the piano stool as it was the closest thing to hand with a secret compartment. I was worried she'd be offended that we hadn't eaten them. I was scared she'd think I had just conjured them up on a whim as something to buy without there truly being a need for them (after all, people don't strictly need melons... but as they are heavy it could be argued they do need a PA to purchase them and bring them home). But not eating them...well I obviously broke the rules.

To think of it! Letting my son scoff a mountain of Christmas chocolate when all the time there were two far healthier options forgotten and buried under cauliflower and broccoli, also uneaten this week owing to large quantities of leftovers. Oh the shame. Dreadful fruit and vegetable management, made all the more confusing by the addition of someone who was just trying to help.

The melons have indeed twisted my melon, man.


Naomi J. said...

I am having absolute hysterics at your reaction to the melons on the rack, especially your hiding them in the piano stool.

I have similar responses to things my PA has done. Nothing quite that amusing, usually. I did spend half an hour fighting with a window blind that she managed to roll up this week, though, which would have been amusing if you weren't me. I have never been able to roll up said blind, and I can't get it all the way back down now. Honestly. People who think they're being helpful...

seahorse said...

I'm totally with you on blinds as this earlier post proves (can't do links in comments so here...scroll over til your arm aches).

I would like to know if there is a code of conduct or PA etiquette out there...maybe we should put one together ;-)

Anonymous said...

Thanks for making me laugh today - but can I say that you've got me worried that those melons might still be sitting forgotten in the piano stool...