The Tale of the Errant Gingerbreadmen
We made some for Christmas. They have got a bit out of hand.
Wednesday, 19 December 2007
Sunday, 16 December 2007
O Christmas Tree
Christmas Trees to me symbolise a fascinating blend of myth, magic, folklore, religion and history. And I find them quite beautiful. These words are simple and effective to one staying in at night with a tree in the window. Excuse the poor German translation.
O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
Your branches teach me something.
O Christmas Tree O Christmas Tree
Your branches teach me something.
They teach hope and resistance
Give courage and strength all the time.
O Christmas Tree, O Christmas Tree
Your branches teach me something!
O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum,
Dein Kleid will mich was lehren:
O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum,
Dein Kleid will mich was lehren:
Die Hoffnung und Beständigkeit
Gibt Mut und Kraft zu jeder Zeit!
O Tannenbaum, o Tannenbaum,
dein Kleid will mich was lehren.
Thursday, 13 December 2007
At last
I think I have a PA. Someone to do all the heavy, awkward stuff I've been struggling with for eight months. I am looking forward to feeling less ill and having more energy for my son.
Tuesday, 11 December 2007
A Breath of Fresh Air
Today a social worker who looked not unlike Fran Healy came over to do my Fairer Charging Assessment, to work out if I have to pay for the care package they are sort of offering me.
When I say sort of, it's because it was organised in August, then delayed until a couple of letters were exchanged between my advocate and the department last month. They had the nerve to enquire as to how I was managing during the time that had elapsed (because of their own incompetence). Did I in fact need the two hours of care on offer? Well, sort of on offer, because nothing has happened yet. My advocate told them how my exhaustion levels were now so bad that I am resting most of the day just to get to school and cook a meal for my son each night. She thinks I should be getting five hours help a week. I'm due a rest now so I'll keep this brief.
The upshot of it all is that two weeks before Christmas I am suddenly faced with today's Fairer Charging Assessment, an OT assessment (this'll be the fourth, maybe fifth one?) and interviews for the PA post I can't fill until I get the direct payment money through...which was signed over in August but delayed due to 'a new computer system.' A social worker said recently they were supposed to review my care package in September, but that as care hadn't technically commenced a review would have to wait until there was, like, something to review.
Tired. Bed. But hey, at least Fran Healy popped by and he told me that no, I don't have to pay for my care package. And he's trying to get my rent sorted so I get full Discretionary Housing Benefit. And he thinks I should be on high rate care DLA, so he's going to look into that as well because then I get access to the Independent Living Fund. Did I mention he looked just like Fran Healy? :) sigh And he was really nice, as well as being good at his job. Truly a breath of fresh air.
When I say sort of, it's because it was organised in August, then delayed until a couple of letters were exchanged between my advocate and the department last month. They had the nerve to enquire as to how I was managing during the time that had elapsed (because of their own incompetence). Did I in fact need the two hours of care on offer? Well, sort of on offer, because nothing has happened yet. My advocate told them how my exhaustion levels were now so bad that I am resting most of the day just to get to school and cook a meal for my son each night. She thinks I should be getting five hours help a week. I'm due a rest now so I'll keep this brief.
The upshot of it all is that two weeks before Christmas I am suddenly faced with today's Fairer Charging Assessment, an OT assessment (this'll be the fourth, maybe fifth one?) and interviews for the PA post I can't fill until I get the direct payment money through...which was signed over in August but delayed due to 'a new computer system.' A social worker said recently they were supposed to review my care package in September, but that as care hadn't technically commenced a review would have to wait until there was, like, something to review.
Tired. Bed. But hey, at least Fran Healy popped by and he told me that no, I don't have to pay for my care package. And he's trying to get my rent sorted so I get full Discretionary Housing Benefit. And he thinks I should be on high rate care DLA, so he's going to look into that as well because then I get access to the Independent Living Fund. Did I mention he looked just like Fran Healy? :) sigh And he was really nice, as well as being good at his job. Truly a breath of fresh air.
Tuesday, 4 December 2007
Still can't believe it
My Gran saw her actual proper consultant yesterday, who heads up elderly mental health in her part of town. He looked at her brain scan and confirmed Alzheimer's. More medication was prescribed.
Why does it still feel like I've got my exam results in my hand, and I'm just reading them over and over again? You know that bit where you see them up on a board, but you can't believe it? You have to have them in your hand, on paper. But then you still can't believe it.
Alzheimer's was being talked about months ago, seriously talked about by her GP and social workers as we headed into increased care in the autumn, and pretty much formally diagnosed by the SHO at her last appointment. We as a family have known deep down for a year or so. I've tried to accept it, to look for the positives. She is still my Gran. Still loved, and being looked after by my Mum and some very good home help people.
But I'm still very upset at times. She came for a cup of tea on Sunday. It was all sorts of things at once. Lovely to see her and to see she still has that famous dry wit of hers. Hard because I was feeling very tired, and conscious that in looking for glimpses of her 'old self' I was doing what people have done with me for three years. Emotional because it's Christmas soon, and I get emotional easily anyway.
What I hate most of all is how I can't get to see her as often as I'd like. In fact I've had to see less of her recently, because I've been feeling too low and exhausted to be of much use. Thankfully the really bad depressions I get tend to come and go these days, and I've decided I should be visiting her when I'm feeling up to it and capable of cheering her up, rather than just because I feel I should be going, but turning up with a long face and not much to say. That's no good at all.
Why does it still feel like I've got my exam results in my hand, and I'm just reading them over and over again? You know that bit where you see them up on a board, but you can't believe it? You have to have them in your hand, on paper. But then you still can't believe it.
Alzheimer's was being talked about months ago, seriously talked about by her GP and social workers as we headed into increased care in the autumn, and pretty much formally diagnosed by the SHO at her last appointment. We as a family have known deep down for a year or so. I've tried to accept it, to look for the positives. She is still my Gran. Still loved, and being looked after by my Mum and some very good home help people.
But I'm still very upset at times. She came for a cup of tea on Sunday. It was all sorts of things at once. Lovely to see her and to see she still has that famous dry wit of hers. Hard because I was feeling very tired, and conscious that in looking for glimpses of her 'old self' I was doing what people have done with me for three years. Emotional because it's Christmas soon, and I get emotional easily anyway.
What I hate most of all is how I can't get to see her as often as I'd like. In fact I've had to see less of her recently, because I've been feeling too low and exhausted to be of much use. Thankfully the really bad depressions I get tend to come and go these days, and I've decided I should be visiting her when I'm feeling up to it and capable of cheering her up, rather than just because I feel I should be going, but turning up with a long face and not much to say. That's no good at all.
Sunday, 2 December 2007
Going green
Why, why has my son requested for Christmas the only colour of Converse footwear that is out of stock everywhere in the entire country? Along with the other 20 items on his long letter to Santa. Yes, he's still a believer, but old enough to know his trainers.
Why are green Converse so totally out of stock? Is it because of Mika? No, I just checked out Grace Kelly and he's wearing white trainers in that video, like Mark Ronson.
See what I did there? Two musical references :-) I am listening to more music. Quietly.
Why am I driving myself nuts trying to find some green Converse trainers anyway? I promised myself when my son was tiny that never, ever, ever would I be drawn into the trainer snobbery that unfortunately pervades our playgrounds.
Bloody school! Bring back school uniform! Now I want some Converse trainers too. But I refuse to give in.
He also requested a gnome, you may recall. Work is underway at my pottery class. So far, there is a startling resemblance to Noddy Holder. With whom I once danced at a party. For those of you who don't know Noddy, he fronted Seventies glamrock outfit Slade. He is from the Midlands and wrote "So heeeere it iiiis, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun." A heartwarming Christmas ditty. Now I have to somehow fashion flares and a hugely ridiculous hat for my gnome. He already sports impressive sidies. And yes, my son will be receiving other things for Christmas. Just perhaps not green Converse trainers.
Why are green Converse so totally out of stock? Is it because of Mika? No, I just checked out Grace Kelly and he's wearing white trainers in that video, like Mark Ronson.
See what I did there? Two musical references :-) I am listening to more music. Quietly.
Why am I driving myself nuts trying to find some green Converse trainers anyway? I promised myself when my son was tiny that never, ever, ever would I be drawn into the trainer snobbery that unfortunately pervades our playgrounds.
Bloody school! Bring back school uniform! Now I want some Converse trainers too. But I refuse to give in.
He also requested a gnome, you may recall. Work is underway at my pottery class. So far, there is a startling resemblance to Noddy Holder. With whom I once danced at a party. For those of you who don't know Noddy, he fronted Seventies glamrock outfit Slade. He is from the Midlands and wrote "So heeeere it iiiis, Merry Christmas, everybody's having fun." A heartwarming Christmas ditty. Now I have to somehow fashion flares and a hugely ridiculous hat for my gnome. He already sports impressive sidies. And yes, my son will be receiving other things for Christmas. Just perhaps not green Converse trainers.
Wednesday, 28 November 2007
Eight Happy Thoughts
I am feeling happy at the moment, so it seems the right time to put together my eight happy thoughts for Cottage Smallholder, who tagged me.
Here are the rules:
Link to the person who tagged you. Then post these rules before your list, and list 8 happy things about yourself. At the end of your list, tag and link 8 other people.
I won't be tagging but please do this if you feel like it.
8 happy thoughts
1. A general feeling of contentment, not felt for some years, now pervades at least some of my days, some of the time.
2. My musical reawakening. Having not been able to listen to music for so long, discovering all these bands I knew nothing about is just fantastic. And I'm turning up the volume, little by little.
3. Time spent with a true and faithful friend. She understands what isolation feels like, has recovered from a multitude of health troubles herself and is in a position to be very supportive on a regular basis of late. We were playing Scrabble recently and I needed to know if 'cak' was a word. Well I know it's a word, but you know what I mean. A real Scrabble word. It wasn't in the dictionary. But then I spotted, and yelled out "Cake!" It was hilarious at the time. And I nearly beat her. With bigger words than cake.
4. Tonight I completed a second beautiful batch of Christmas plum conserve, delicately spiced with cinnamon, ginger and cloves. Rich purple in hue, it's been one of my favourites to make...largely because it is very, very easy indeed. Still planning a cooking and recipe post, so maybe it'll feature.
5. My pottery class. Attendance is sporadic, and I started half way through but it's a 'drop-in when you feel up to it' affair run by the NHS. I'm making things to hang from a tree in the garden, and my son has requested a gnome. If I were skilled enough, I'd make a Heston Blumenthal.
6. Emotional freedom. No longer feeling fettered, oppressed. Exploring freedom, daring to express myself. Wearing different clothes, jewellery even. Still can't be arsed with make-up though. Never was that into it as I recall so it's not an ill thing.
7. My son and I say "I love you" every day. Yeah, okay. But it's as part of bedtime as warm milk and cleaning of teeth.
8. Freerice.com is ace. I'm off there now. Thank you Fluttertongue for introducing me to this totally addictive and brilliant site.
Many bloggers I know are having a rough patch at the mo, and I know I couldn't have done this even a couple of weeks ago as I was feeling very upset, so this is just me saying hey, if I can be happy sometimes then I hope it's catching ;-)
Here are the rules:
Link to the person who tagged you. Then post these rules before your list, and list 8 happy things about yourself. At the end of your list, tag and link 8 other people.
I won't be tagging but please do this if you feel like it.
8 happy thoughts
1. A general feeling of contentment, not felt for some years, now pervades at least some of my days, some of the time.
2. My musical reawakening. Having not been able to listen to music for so long, discovering all these bands I knew nothing about is just fantastic. And I'm turning up the volume, little by little.
3. Time spent with a true and faithful friend. She understands what isolation feels like, has recovered from a multitude of health troubles herself and is in a position to be very supportive on a regular basis of late. We were playing Scrabble recently and I needed to know if 'cak' was a word. Well I know it's a word, but you know what I mean. A real Scrabble word. It wasn't in the dictionary. But then I spotted, and yelled out "Cake!" It was hilarious at the time. And I nearly beat her. With bigger words than cake.
4. Tonight I completed a second beautiful batch of Christmas plum conserve, delicately spiced with cinnamon, ginger and cloves. Rich purple in hue, it's been one of my favourites to make...largely because it is very, very easy indeed. Still planning a cooking and recipe post, so maybe it'll feature.
5. My pottery class. Attendance is sporadic, and I started half way through but it's a 'drop-in when you feel up to it' affair run by the NHS. I'm making things to hang from a tree in the garden, and my son has requested a gnome. If I were skilled enough, I'd make a Heston Blumenthal.
6. Emotional freedom. No longer feeling fettered, oppressed. Exploring freedom, daring to express myself. Wearing different clothes, jewellery even. Still can't be arsed with make-up though. Never was that into it as I recall so it's not an ill thing.
7. My son and I say "I love you" every day. Yeah, okay. But it's as part of bedtime as warm milk and cleaning of teeth.
8. Freerice.com is ace. I'm off there now. Thank you Fluttertongue for introducing me to this totally addictive and brilliant site.
Many bloggers I know are having a rough patch at the mo, and I know I couldn't have done this even a couple of weeks ago as I was feeling very upset, so this is just me saying hey, if I can be happy sometimes then I hope it's catching ;-)
Sunday, 25 November 2007
I lied
Sod cooking, I just found this.
Such a big voice. And such effortless talent, she can still do it whatever state she's in. She may not even have been in a state on this particular day. See how me trying to judge whether or not she was in a state is getting in the way of a really great performance? Even I'm doing it, seconds into this post. And I haven't been party to most of what has been written of late.
Amy Winehouse was just starting to make it when I got ill. I haven't seen or heard much of her since (which puts me in a minority) as until recently I haven't been able to listen to music at all and I don't read the papers. But music videos on TV and stuff on YouTube are helping me rediscover music again. I seem to need the company of the artist to be able to enjoy their music. I can't do it with just me alone with the stereo. Why? I have no idea. I just get scared, or I cry. Sometimes I watch emotional stuff to help me with my emotions. And sometimes I just find stuff and think "Wow." This was one of those occasions.
It's hard not to want Amy Winehouse to pull through. I hate the thought of people buying tickets to see her only to end up going on about how out of it she was. It's sad. This live acoustic cover blows me away.
Such a big voice. And such effortless talent, she can still do it whatever state she's in. She may not even have been in a state on this particular day. See how me trying to judge whether or not she was in a state is getting in the way of a really great performance? Even I'm doing it, seconds into this post. And I haven't been party to most of what has been written of late.
Amy Winehouse was just starting to make it when I got ill. I haven't seen or heard much of her since (which puts me in a minority) as until recently I haven't been able to listen to music at all and I don't read the papers. But music videos on TV and stuff on YouTube are helping me rediscover music again. I seem to need the company of the artist to be able to enjoy their music. I can't do it with just me alone with the stereo. Why? I have no idea. I just get scared, or I cry. Sometimes I watch emotional stuff to help me with my emotions. And sometimes I just find stuff and think "Wow." This was one of those occasions.
It's hard not to want Amy Winehouse to pull through. I hate the thought of people buying tickets to see her only to end up going on about how out of it she was. It's sad. This live acoustic cover blows me away.
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