Saturday, 28 June 2008

The Bottom Line

Today I had a toilet installed by social services. Readers of a sensitive disposition are assured that no major detail will be gone into, though mild toilet humour may be evident.

It has been christened Bob The Talking Toilet. As I think I explained previously, this is a toilet that does everything but talk. It is both toilet, bidet and warm air blower all-in-one. It has elbow activated controls on the cistern so you don't have a flush to grapple with. And a foot pump to activate the bidet.

This is what sprung to mind on experiencing the bidet for the first time:

Lake Geneva's colossal fountain

It is wise to ensure that you are seated fully on the toilet with no gaps, otherwise the whole bathroom gets sprayed with water.

The dryer is also a little alarming. An electric element somewhere deep inside the toilet heats air with such rapidity that a strange burning smell is produced. Naturally, on first use I assumed this burning to be my bottom. But then I realised the smell was distinctly electrical.

So, somehow the inventors of this really quite amusing machine have managed to work with water and electrics. Whether I will live beyond a week remains to be seen. I think an eject button may be handy just in case the whole thing bursts into flames. Shame you can't just notch up the bidet a tad. That would be enough to both propel me into space and extinguish a bathroom inferno in one. Just be thankful I am not male ;-)


Wheelchair Dancer said...

is it a toto? Wash (rear and front/male and female) soft cleanse or not. And blow dry.

I love those things...and they are self cleaning. YAY!

(though the jet can be a surprise).



Cusp said...

Can't remember the product but didn't there used to be an advert on telly with the slogan
'Clean right round the bend '?


If we had one in this house I just know our son would be inviting people round to try it...and knowing him (the little entrepreneur) charging them too !

Anonymous said...

I can definitely relate to what you say and to the image you provide on the bidet experience.

seahorse said...

Hey folks, I'm still giggling.

WCD: It's a closmat. The jet was indeed a surprise.

cusp: Yes...I'm viewing the return of my son from the weekend with mixed feelings. It's going to be hilarious, but also possibly a bit wet around here.

Katie: My memories of the fountain in question are powerful enough that the image came into my head the second I felt the force of the bidet. If you look at the picture closely in fact you can see a tiny red-haired hippy type on a toilet about 20 miles up in the air.

Maggie said...


I have finally emerged from lurkdom with a fairly boring and short post. Too much has happened for me to catch up all my news just now!

Hugs from Liverpool

seahorse said...

Hi maggie, belatedly. Lots going on with both of us I guess. Nice to see you though xx